The Need of Approval

 

People should stop living in a world full of illusions and constant guessing. I will ask you a few questions and I want you to answer honestly.

1.     Who do you think has your best interest - you or someone else?

2.     Who knows better than you what makes you happy and satisfied - you or somebody else?

3.     Whose opinion of you is more important to you - your own opinion or someone else’s?

4.     Have you ever dreamed of being able to think for yourself and take your own independent decisions? Or do you prefer to let someone else boss you around and take care of you because you are not able to make the right decisions?

How come you believe that someone else is always right and you are always wrong?! This is absurd. We all make mistakes and the more mistakes we make, the more we learn and grow. So don’t wait around for someone else to come and tell you what to do. Look at your life and decide what makes you happy. Find your hobby and spend your life doing what you like to do. The more time you put into your hobby, the better you will become. Always look at what you do from a different angle and try to think of something you can do which will make your experience/product/service unique, helpful, interesting. This is your life and you are not here to be liked by this person or that person. When you get old you should be able to turn around and say: “I did something with my life because I was self-dependent; I listened to my own feelings; I had my own desires and dreams; I have had a great life because I didn’t make the mistake which 90 % of the population does – to always take into account other people’s opinion and be a slave to institutional prejudices. It’s more important for me to like myself than to be a person who is likable for others. In fact nobody is perfect, so no matter what I do, there will be always at least one person who will not like me. I may be the nicest person on Earth and that may still not be enough for another. The good thing is that I live with myself every day and not with that other person who doesn’t like me. So the opinion that matters to me is my own opinion. I do what I like to do and I become better at it every minute. My self-confidence grows and that’s all that matters.” People are attracted to those who enjoy what they do and like who they are. I am here to love myself and if other people love me for who I am that’s great. The rest doesn’t matter because I am not dependent on other people’s confirmations. I like to depend on myself in any situation. I know what means happiness and depression for me. I do anything that needs to be done so that I can bring myself happiness. I run away from people, situations and activities that will surely bring me depression and lack of harmony. There are times that I can’t solve a problem but I still love myself and I stay happy, not downhearted. I keep working towards eliminating the problems in my life step by step and minute by minute. When I look back I am always delighted with the progress I have made. My good feelings and the things I own are well-deserved. All people are met with difficulties in their lives therefore I keep working on overcoming the hurdles and I don’t become sluggish. The more I do, the stronger I become. For me the most important thing is to keep moving. I don’t stop and wait for someone to come and give me a few compliments so that I can feel good about myself. No. That is my responsibility. I tell myself a few encouraging words every day because I’ve accomplished something yesterday. I have kept walking. Isn’t that enough to enjoy my own respect for myself?! I am not dependent on anybody else, I am healthy and I don’t blame others for my accomplishments. That is why I don’t stop and look for another’s approval, just my own. I take life as it is. I don’t aspire to act as somebody else. I use my imagination and satisfy my personal needs. Everybody has different needs so I concentrate on what is good for me, not the person next to me. Also, depending on the time and situation I have different needs so I don’t let social rules and prejudices keep me from fulfilling my needs. It is all up to me. No other person or business will look for my best interest. People are selfish and the strongest survive. The rest perish. Some people spend their whole life searching for friends and strangers who will please their egos and whisper groundless words in their ears. Am I not capable of acknowledging the good things about myself to myself?! It is so easy when you keep moving forward. And it is so hard when you are stuck somewhere listless. God is within me and I am self-providing. Those who are closest to me are happy around me because I am content and I don’t complain or need anything from them. When they are around me they are free to relax and be themselves. I constantly reassure them to keep exploring this world and their own self. I never feel brokenhearted because somebody else has done something. That is their business. They are free to do what they feel like doing. I am responsible only for my own positive thoughts and therefore joyful feelings. When I enter a room I can turn around the gloomy atmosphere because I am strong and willing or I can just sit quietly and absorb the lessons. Later I add to them my own signature. If a person doesn’t fulfill his/her need by themselves, they will start searching for someone or something that will fulfill the need or temporary make them forget about it, just like the use of alcohol and cigarettes do. There are those people who always interrupt you while talking and impose their views just because they feel fearful and lack self-esteem. Can’t they just enjoy the conversation and calmly let the other person finish their speech?! If you are able to control yourself and you are busy doing your own thing, you will not force other people to act as you please or raise your voice. Ever! What they do and think is their own business. What I do and think is up to my personal experiences and needs. We are all different. That is why we should let other people live their lives and live up to their standards, abilities and interests. When someone shares his/her opinion I simply listen and ask myself what I think on the matter without imposing my own believes. I would like to control myself better not control the actions and thoughts of another human being. I don’t need their approval because they don’t know me better. I am the one responsible for my experiences, advancement and issues. If I start focusing on people’s needs then who will come to solve my problems?! I am the only person who acts in the best interest of me. Everything I need, I can give to myself. Each action I take tries to satisfy a need in me. When I look closely to my everyday actions I can clearly realize what my needs are. Then I can learn new, more effective ways to satisfy those few needs I have. The better I become the less approval from others I need. Thus, my own needs become fewer and I am better able to satisfy my needs. At the beginning it is hard but then it becomes easier for me. If I want something, I work smart to get it. I know no one will ask me what I need and then hand it to me just because I have two beautiful eyes. With every step I take towards satisfying my need I enjoy the path and I find quite interesting all those wild creatures I get to meet. I like to observe and interact with them but I don’t need their approval of who I am. I deserve what I want. The needs of other people are their own concern, not mine. Have you asked yourself why some people are so tenacious?! It is because they always do something which will satisfy their current or future need. They feel good about themselves because they already know that they have what they need. Nobody else has it and can give it to them. When I am done with a task I am in high spirits because I have gathered strength, insight and love for my existence. At the end of my life if I have fulfilled all my needs, everything that someone else has said about me will not matter. People who are in search for other people’s opinion engage in self-destructive behavior. They don’t love or have enough respect for themselves. They are not able to change anything (their thoughts, feelings, life experiences) in order to fulfill their needs. They will not take any risks. They will stay fearful, hateful and passive. Strong, active people don’t know the feeling of self-pity, insult and being dependent on others. Every time you meet someone who blames another, you know he is creating a victim of himself and he is estranging from the free man he has the strength to be. Your thoughts will make you a slave or a master. In other words narcissism will provide you with your will for power. If you sense lack in your life you will constantly look for something and you will find an addiction and you will settle for it. If you don’t sense lacking anything, you will fulfill any need with ease and you will live cheerfully without fear and anxiety, begging for approval. If you hear a woman who is constantly criticizing herself, you know that she needs the approval of other people. She has not become completely self-reliable.

When you are in good terms with yourself, you go quietly with your daily business. Why would you need another person to boost your confidence? When I am being good to myself, other people show more respect for me and vice versa. This is just a universal rule. When I am genuinely warm and I am carying for myself, I don’t need other people’s confirmations. Nobody likes to be somebody else’s prisoner and at the same time everybody is looking for approval from others. Don’t you think that this is quite strange?! Every other song you hear is about two people and one of them is always begging the other: “Please, love me.” Is this coincidental? As you can see culture can be very harmful for human development. It can set a stereotype which people blindly follow and at the end they ask themselves who ruined their own lives and how come they are always dissatisfied. People don’t have control over external factors that is why they are usually emotionally unstable, frightened and inactive. Once you have started intentional positive self-talk followed by an appropriate action, the feelings of security and pride follow. Value yourself, don’t neglect yourself. In every situation put yourself first. Every single act should be undertaken because you enjoy doing it and it brings you well-being.

I have a long list of the things I have done; things which make me content. I constantly review my achievements and think of the next thing that I am going to accomplish. Every hurdle I overcome makes me feel good about who I am and what I can do. Thus, I create my positive emotions when I take a task and finish it. I no longer need somebody else’s assessments on how I am doing. I have a road ahead of me and I keep myself busy walking it. People who make too much noise and often create a theater play are attention seekers who are not able to see their path and walk it. They constantly feel lonely, bored and need someone else or something to entertain them so their needs are finally fulfilled. If you don’t set tasks that you need to accomplish each day in order to fulfill some of your needs, you will not be able to judge your own worth and you will feel empty. Hiding your weaknesses is not the way to go. Walk your path so that you can realize those weaknesses and turn them into your strong points. It is fun to watch how many things you have achieved with the skills you have developed. It is fun to watch the new places you have visited and the ones that you are about to conquer. You will feel excited about your new accomplishments and the progress you have made. Your goal is not to become the best but to become better in what you were doing yesterday. Pride and joy follow your every successful result brought about by smart work and constant improvement. Don’t talk about yourself, let your actions draw a beautiful picture. A man in harmony is the one who is able to keep the balance between the outcome of a task and his participation in the process. Work on developing modesty and humility. Make sure you are providing plenty of positive encouragement for future desired actions and behaviors and you will build your self-esteem which also will eliminate any offending and disrespectful behaviors.